Unwanted news

Well....where do I start? I decided to start blogging again after Jess started her own...and I decided with everything going on I really needed to start recording my thoughts.

I guess I should start with the news that has changed my life forever. The Sunday before Christmas I started feeling sick, then on Boxing Day I started having abdominal pain. I was admitted to hospital on the 26th of December 2012 with suspected appendicitis and had surgery the following day to remove the appendix. After surgeons had removed my appendix and found it was normal they found fluid and decided to investigate only to find a baseball sized mass on my right ovary. Surgeons then removed my ovary and fallopian tube as a precaution...which was still a shock when I woke up and found out what had happened. I was told during this time that everything would probably come back normal and to go and continue with my plans to go to America to see my American family and friends.

I went to the States and was there all of 12 hours when I got the phone call that would change my life forever, the mass on the ovary wasn't just a cyst...it was cancer. Cancer...i couldn't believe this was happening to me. I remember shaking uncontrollably when mum told me the news...but I also remember the strength I felt sharing that moment with my American family. I spent four days in the states surrounded by people I love more than I can say and will be forever grateful for them and their positive attitudes.

I arrived back in Australia and the next day went to hospital to get a clearer picture of what was going on...only to find out that the cancer had spread. It wasn't until we were in Hobart seeing a specialist that we found out it wasn't ovarian cancer but in fact bowel cancer. Bowel cancer...it feels like something only older people get....surely I was too young...I wasn't that unhealthy...what was going on?? Even know doctor's can't explain it...they can't explain why I've had no symptoms (apart from the Christmas episode), they can't tell me how long its been there or how it started. I am thankful to know though that my siblings and parents are clear...we made sure each was checked out...although that was an incredibly stressful time for me...I couldn't imagine handling the fact that one of them might be in the same situation I am in.

For now i'm doing a mixture of conventional and alternative medicine...chemo, a Chinese therapist/accupuncturist, an alkaline diet and bi carb with maple syrup and just praying that it works...everything in my life has been put on hold. I can't plan much...I can't plan more than a few weeks ahead and has really made me rethink what is important. Things dont matter...money doesn't matter...past squabbles (however much they hurt) don't matter...you have the ability to change your attitude. There's a real chance I wont be able to do many of the things I have dreamed about or share in many amazing memories that are yet to happen...and that scares me...a lot. People ask how I can think or act the way I do with what is happening....but I know it is God. Without him I would be on the floor a lot more than I am now in tears and wondering 'why me' a lot more than what i'm doing now. All I can say is i know what is important. God and family are number one...without question. I have the most amazing family. I dont know how I got so lucky to be able to call them mine...mine forever. Each one is amazing in a different way...and in ways that I'm ashamed to say i never fully appreciated until something huge like this happened.

For all of you out there reading this...cherish each moment...each precious moment with those who make you smile...maybe make you a little crazy at times...but who love you unconditionally. Dont' let little disagreements rob you of precious memories and time with your family. Don't wait for a wake up call to fully appreciate them...like I did. Remember what is most important and hopefully if (heaven forbid) anyone else goes through what I am currently struggling with then they wont be saying 'how dumb was i or i wish i had appreciated that moment more'...do it now. I love you my beautiful family...my literal family and those who have become family. You are each amazing and I am so thankful to have you in my life. My amazing friends...what can I say :) I'm fighting this so that we can hopefully have a lot more fun in the coming years ;)